By: Arizona Stanley
From fin-aid to the IRS
It’s my money and I want it now.
A lot of people look down on the greatest gift of all… My friends, I’m talking about the refund check. This is the only check where I can see the fruits of my labor since being childless, they ravish my check monthly. Who are ‘they’ you might ask? They are the same assholes who deny my request for food stamps and force me to donate to the social security system which is unfair because in addition to not being a fan of the old people, the system will likely be depleted by time I’m old enough to collect. While this is a government thing, this particular rant is regarding the IRS. They are only good for one thing and that is my CHECK and they better have my money when I come to collect.
No matter how much I attempt to save there is always some dumbass bill popping up. Take my energy bill for example. There are only 12 months in the year yet they bill me 15 times a year because they are sneaky and conniving. You can typically find me awaiting that glorious day, usually in February, where I can catch up and clear all past due balances. Yes people, I am a pressed individual who files on the very first day of tax season and check the “Where’s my Refund” tool like it’s going out of style. It warns me that they only refresh the status once a day, but I don’t care and I check every hour on the hour.
Why must I be ridiculed for wanting my money? Haters love to post memes on Instagram referring to refund check ballers. FUCK EM. If I want to ball out with my check, I will. I’m a twenty-something who clearly can’t afford the lifestyle rapped about in songs or lived out by the Kardashian sisters. However, I can splurge on an experience that helps me get through my shitty job and makes life worth continuing. Right now fresh out of college, the only splurge I can afford after giving my greedy student loan officers payment is maybe a frosty from Wendy’s, MAYBE.
Before I go on another long rambling complaint on being broke again let me just reflect on the best day ever. February 16, 2014 I received my first tax return that is worth remembering. This was the year of my first real job worth claiming on my tax returns. After all of the money that was taken out of my check, plus the additional twenty five I had deducted weekly, and my student loan repayments, I was blessed to receive approximately $5,000. I had such great intentions for this refund. I was going to save half of it, pay all of my debt off with the rest and maybe I was going to finally splurge on a Louis Vuitton Neverfull PM bag. As with all good intentions, it was an absolute total fail. I never factored in becoming completely addicted to retail and the tempting emails from Christian Louboutin website and Stanley Korshak (Damn you no sales tax).
For someone who’s never had shit… (okay I grew up relatively comfortable) I definitely wasn’t given $5,000 at one time and expected to act as if I was some kind of responsible adult! I’ll be honest, my savings account is basically my shoe closet. I’d rather have So Kate’s and Anouks than have an emergency fund. I’m twenty something, I’m young and dumb! That 5,000 dollars went quicker than I could have ever expected. With an ‘it’s my treat’ dinner date here, an online shopping haul there and I was back to square one. It was exhilarating and the most awesome experience ever, even with watching my account dwindle, because for once I didn’t have to worry about keep this much money in my account for this bill I knew I was going to come out of my account.
I know eventually we have to grow up and start thinking about retirement funds and savings and good forbid college funds for our demon spawn but for a glorious few months I got to experience what it was like to live without the constant pressure of never having enough and trying to make it to next pay day. That sense of comfort rededicated me to start performing better at work because instead of one check like that amazing and beautiful tax return, I want multiple checks like that. I want to advance up the corporate ladder. Whoever said more money more problems is a liar. (Sorry King Biggie RIP) It is the end of all my problems. Imagine not having to make a payment arrangement and to afford all of your eBay bids. Actually imagine a world where you don’t even need eBay because you can afford full retail. A life where you’re not harassing the IRS because you’re accountant handles all of that. Keep chasing the good life! Some people will definitely arrive there before you but you still have to keep that drive for your day to come. When you finally can be like damn, I made it.
Until then :/